Is it too much to ask my hubby to express pride in me?

January 21st 2010

This question is a difficult one to put into words in a way that will really get the story across right, but here goes:

I’m a 36 year old woman, been with my hubby for 5 years (married for two). My regular career is pharmaceutical sales. However, my passion is writing. I’ve been trying to do something with my writing talent for many years, but have yet to really channel it into anything solid. I’ve written and edited company newsletters and a couple similiar things, but that is about it.

Recently, I was approached by a friend whose sister is writing a book that has already been picked up by a publisher and is due to hit bookstores in early 2010. Apparently, her editor was doing a less than stellar job, and the writing coach told my friend’s sister that she ought to seek a new editor. My friend knew of my writing passion and editing skills (I had edited her work often in college as well as some of her work related business proposals), and asked me if I’d take a look at her sister’s book. I did, and I edited the first three chapters and made some suggestions. As soon as my friend’s sister and her writing coach read my edits and suggestions, they called me to a meeting and asked me to officially be the editor and co-writing coach for this book.

I am so excited. This is something that I’ve waited for and strived for for a very long time. It’s all I can do not to quit my “day job” and throw myself into this book full force.

I realize that I should not rely on my hubby to build my self esteem, but when this all happened, I thought that he, too, would be over the moon about it, knowing how much this meant to me. I had hoped he’d be proud of this accomplishment. When he landed a hot new job last year, I sent out an email announcement to many of our friends and family members, bragging about his achievement and how hard he worked for it. I thought he might do the same, but when I asked him if he was going to tell anyone about my book/editing deal, he got sarcastic with me and said “Oh, God, like I am going to send some email out to everyone in my contact list to tell them about something like this!” He told me he thought it would be selfish to make a point of telling people because it was like trying to advertise for this book. He said he’d bring it up in conversation when he spoke with people he is close to, but that to make a point of announcing it to people would feel out of place and selfish to him. This really hurt me, but I dropped it rather than fight. That was three weeks ago.

Last night, he talked to his dad for the first time since the whole book thing came about, and he filled his dad in on everything going on in his own life, but didn’t say a word about my new venture. His dad even asked how I was doing and what I’ve been up to! When he got off the phone with his dad, I could hardly speak to him. He asked what was wrong and I just told him calmly that I was really hurt that he couldn’t even manage to spend ten seconds telling his father about this major even in my life. I told him that as my husband and partner, I really wish he could find it within himself to for once be proud of me for something and actually show it. He said he is, and I just snapped at him to quit talking the talk and start walking the walk. (This is not the first time he has ignored or diminished one of my achievements).

Am I expecting too much in wanting him to tell people in his/our lives about my achievement here? Is that extremely pitiful of me to be hurt that he wouldn’t just send out some sort of email or make a couple phone calls to tell a few close friends or family what I am doing and what it means to me? Am I being insecure?

I’m not sure if other couples make it a point to inform their friends and family members of each other’s accomplishments, but I need some advice here. And if I am being silly, feel free to tell me!

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Posted in Marriage & Divorce | 9 Comments »