please proof read this short piece of writing for me:?
its a journalism club proposal
Can someone please proofread this Journalism Club proposal for me?
Like a moth to a flame, I’ve always been drawn to journalism and more than once in my life, I have seriously considered becoming a journalist. I have been a part of the council for English Literary in my old school (Mama Parsi) from 2006 to 2008; I have had the maximum number of poems and articles published on the school’s website in its 90 year old history and have had a column in my scrabble club newsletter. Furthermore, my poems and articles have been published in various magazines. Thus I believe I’m the most qualified for the job.
Firstly, I think the club should have its own publication, be it a magazine or a newsletter. As journalism is all about writing, I don’t think we’ll have any problems obtaining permission for it. Unlike other Grammar School publications, ours would be in a newspaper format. We could invite grammarians to submit their pieces and even start a new segment in our magazine… photo-journalism. This could be done with the co-operation of one of the most popular clubs, the Photography Club. We could include polls, interviews by teachers and a thought-provoking message from the editor. Then, we could make an e-newsletter or publish some of the best pieces of writing on the school website. I can help with this, being on the selection committee for my old school’s website. This would encourage Grammarians to submit more articles. We can have themes to make it more interesting… like the October issue could be all about Halloween. Apart from the monthly publication, we can even have regular meetings where the club members can compare writing styles, discuss and develop ideas, give tips, analyse a piece of writing and share valuable experiences. Every year, we can arrange for internships at newspapers.
I should be selected because I have a vision for the club. I can also make this vision a reality with my leadership and organisational skills (having been a part of my school’s Students’ Council), writing skills (having taken part in every essay writing competition and won a poetry writing competition) and also the unique quality to think outside the box. I believe, given the chance, I can contribute a lot to the Journalism Club.
October 16th, 2009 at 3:50 am
Like a moth to a flame, I’ve always been drawn to journalism. More than once in my life I have seriously considered becoming a journalist. I have been a part of the council for English Literary in my old school (Mama Parsi) since 2006. I have had the maximum number of poems and articles published on the school’s website in its 90 year old history and have had a column in my scrabble club newsletter. Furthermore, my poems and articles have been published in various magazines. Thus I believe I’m the most qualified for the job.
First, I think the club should have its own publication, be it a magazine or a newsletter. As journalism is all about writing, I don’t think we’ll have any problems obtaining permission for it. Unlike other Grammar School publications, ours would be in a newspaper format. We could invite grammarians to submit their pieces and even start a new segment in our magazine… photo-journalism. This could be done with the co-operation of one of the most popular clubs, the Photography Club. We could include polls, interviews by teachers and a thought-provoking message from the editor. Then, we could make an e-newsletter or publish some of the best pieces of writing on the school website. I can help with this, being on the selection committee for my old school’s website. This would encourage Grammarians to submit more articles. We can have themes to make it more interesting… like the October issue could be all about Halloween. Apart from the monthly publication, we can even have regular meetings where the club members can compare writing styles, discuss and develop ideas, give tips, analyse a piece of writing and share valuable experiences. Every year, we can arrange for internships at newspapers.
I should be selected because I have a vision for the club. I can also make this vision a reality with my leadership and organisational skills (having been a part of my school’s Students’ Council), writing skills (having taken part in every essay writing competition and won a poetry writing competition) and also the unique quality to think outside the box. I believe, given the chance, I can contribute a lot to the Journalism Club.
I didn’t know what you meant on this part, but it needs to be fixed. “segment in our magazine… photo-journalism”
October 16th, 2009 at 9:53 am
your writing is ok, but you need to get rid of ALL YOUR ABBREVIATIONS. They do not belong to a written essay, and should only be used in dialogues.
October 19th, 2009 at 8:46 pm
1. Council for English Literacy? Is that what you meant? Also, why not have a new sentence instead of a semi-colon after “2008″
2. “90-year” or “ninety-year history” — no “old” needed.
3. “Scrabble Club”
4. Instead of “thus” try “Because of this,” and explain the job. “Because of this, I believe I’m the most qualified for the job of/position of…”
5. “First” instead of “Firstly” and you might want to explain what the paragraph is — your ideas for the club. Since first-person POV seems okay, I’d say “I also have many ideas for the club” and then “I think the we should…”
6. People know what journalism is about. Simplify. “It should be no trouble obtaining permission for such a publication.”
7. If the newspaper format is something innovative you came up with or decided to use, try “we can publish in newspaper format” instead of “ours would be”
8. “We can also” sounds better than could and is used in my previous suggestion.
9. Ellipsis not a good idea. Use a colon.
10. Do you need to mention that the Photography Club is popular?
11. “We can include polls,” and “thought-provoking messages from”
12. “We can make an e-newsletter”
13. Try ” I can help design and run the website due to my previous experiences working on websites for SCHOOL NAME’s selection committee.”
14. “Publishing on a public website might encourage” “and we can have themes”
15. No ellipsis. “For example, the October issue can have a Halloween theme.”
16. “Apart from the monthly publications, … where members … give writing tips, analyse published work?” Maybe scrap “valuable experiences”
17. “Finally, we can arrange for members to intern at newspapers/newspaper companies every year”
18. “I have a vision for this club, and I should be selected because of this.” “Furthermore, I can also make… reality due to my … organisational skills, writing skills, and my unique ability to think outside the box.”
19. The reasons you list in parentheses? Try to work those into your first paragraph. It’s too much, too late in the last paragraph. You know?
Hope this helps.